he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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