i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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