If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish you could order shots online.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
