watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
