I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
