I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
