a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
