I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
