Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
