you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
