around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
