my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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