yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
