why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize