Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
