I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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