Princesses don't give blow jobs
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
