So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
