when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
