Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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