Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
