I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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