I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize