dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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