Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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