Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
