Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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