Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He did a backflip because drugs
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