Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
