She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
