They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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