Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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