omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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