ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
