The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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