I think im going to throw up on grandma
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
