She went from zero to smokin in five shots
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
