The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
