yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
