I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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