I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
