Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize