I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
