I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
