I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
