i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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