I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
