the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
