I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
