there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so much tequila, so little girl.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
