There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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