so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Less talking, more tequila
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
