I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
