Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
did you just send me my own nude
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
