Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
