Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
