If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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