but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
