A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize