is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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