He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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