Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
