I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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