we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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