I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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