im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
