you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
