i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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