How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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