1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
