Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm jealous of your bromance
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
