Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
