Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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