Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
