i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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