I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
