One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
