I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
