Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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