i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
