YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
