YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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