Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
