yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize