she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
