He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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