the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
