Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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