I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We need to get me chipped asap
You ruined the universe
Randomize
