im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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