Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
