Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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