he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
