the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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