we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
