I hate your face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
