It's just like the Real World with babies
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
