Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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