oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
