Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
