she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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