My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize